Habits 4-6 {it's all connected, post #2}

For Pete's sake, it's habits 4 through 6 now, in a dog training blog.


Habit #4 - Think Win/Win  (Work to find that 3rd solution that really is a win for everyone, instead of everyone, or one person, just compromising.  With this attitude, no one has to compromise, and everyone can really buy into the solution, since it's actually better than what either "side" brought to the table.)

Habit #5 - Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood  (I think/hope this one is self-explanatory.  You can communicate more effectively when you really get where the other is coming from, not just the words, but the intentions, passions, and motivation behind their words and actions.)

Habit #6 - Synergize  (This is working in a way that ensures the results are the very best efforts the team has to offer, truly valuing and leveraging everyone's strengths and diverse ideas and perspectives.  To synergize, you must set up an environment where everyone is bringing everything they've got to the table, leaving no talents unutilized.)

After the first three habits focusing on ourselves, these are the three of the seven habits that teach us how to interact with others in a way that makes our collaboration more than the sum of its parts, better than what we each could achieve with only our own efforts/ideas/talents.

And here's an interesting look at a "problem" dog behavior - a dog learning to open doors and gates - from another blog:

 "This is the very kind of creative ingenuity that enabled dogs to survive and thrive around hazardous human activities for the hundreds of years before we began to contain and control them. This is the dog’s default program. Why would we want to snuff it out and exchange it for the dutiful compliance of a measly few orders—what we call “commands”—we actually take the time to teach a dog? Who would want to trade an animal with such incredible potential for one who won’t or can’t do anything unless and until he his told or allowed? "

[Here's the link if you'd like to read the whole thing:  http://conceptualdog.blogspot.com/]

The title of the blog's entry is:

"Trading Possibility for Control."

Wow.  That to me hammers it home.  This is what we do so often in the workplace.  Just insert "employee" for "dog" in the excerpt above.  We require compliance, but unwittingly buy it at the cost of creativity and enthusiasm.  We forget habits 4-6, because they require us to honor the other person's (dog's) perspective, and communicate with them in a meaningful way.  And that's hard a lot of the time.  We make mistakes, and it's not pretty, it's not smooth.  We need to make an investment in the other person (dog); to lay the groundwork of a strong relationship that can sustain minor miscommunications and keep on rolling.  We need to truly accept and honor the other's perspective.  So I think sometimes we learn to AVOID any kind of real collaboration.  We inadvertently squash creativity and passion, because we either don't know how to channel it, or don't want to do the "extra" work it takes to turn it into a finished, collaborative product.  I think we've all seen workplaces, and dog training classes/events, that have employees/dogs who are acting like mindless automatons, who if they take initiative to do anything on their own it's mostly centered around keeping a low profile so as not to draw fire. 

I agree that every team needs a strong leader, who takes responsibility for developing and leveraging the members' talents, charts the team's course, and makes final decisions.  But the fact is, if you truly commit to the kinds of actions and attitudes described by Covey in habits 4-6, you GET compliance.  Willingly.  To an often-better plan everyone genuinely buys into.  Enthusiastically.  Person or dog.

I say, trade your control for Possibility! 

Habit #1 {it's all connected, post #1}

Lately I've been noticing common themes that keep coming up in my life.  These ideas keep arriving on my doorstep, refusing to be ignored.  They will try to work their way into my life any way they can, through work, hobbies, books, friends, whatever's handy.

The fact that the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People relates directly to my choice of dog training methods is freaking me out a little.  At the same time, it's reassuring that right is right.

Theme #1:    Don't spend any time on things you have no control over.  That leaves a surprising amount of surplus time and energy to spend on things you can influence.  Spend more time on THAT.

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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  - the "Serenity Prayer"

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“’Look how he abused me and beat me, how he threw me down and robbed me.’ Abandon such thoughts and live in love.” – Dhammapada: Choices


“Look to your own faults, what you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others.” -Dhammapada: Flowers

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The Circle of Concern includes everything you care about.
The Circle of Influence includes only those things that you can influence / control.

"Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence, working on things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.


Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weakness of other people, problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas the could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink."  -  Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

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In dog training, I start with myself, and how my behavior influences the dog's.  I can completely control my own actions, so spending time on that is very worthwhile.

 

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Of all of those ideas that seem to be collecting around me in pools, this one is everywhere. I would not be surprised to see it on a billboard today on my way home from work. Which would be appropriate, since this is one place I could work on this idea - while driving. What a waste to feel even brief anger at a discourteous driver. To spend one fraction of an emotion on someone I will never meet, to accomplish nothing at all. And "spending" it is. I really think that expending mental and emotional energy on another driver actually depletes my resources.  Certainly, all the nerdy brain science books I've been reading would support that - it takes energy and a mix of all kinds of brain chemicals to produce and process all that frustration.  Resources I could spend being kind, or empathizing, or being appreciative, or something productive.

So I'm going to try to let things go - anything at all that I have no control over.  I've never really been so awful at this I think, not usually stewing over things, but better is better.  So far I like it, just the absence of even those brief moments of seething frustration.  I had always thought of some of this activity as "venting" in some kind of productive way, but just letting it go feels much better.  Venting is tiring.  I actually think it will be energizing, saving up all that consternation to be applied to something else. Or so the world is shouting.

"Every day, a little up."

At work as a Quality Manager, I use Lean continuous improvement methodologies. I love this aspect of my job, as Lean methods fit right into my own natural way of thinking. In the US, Lean is often defined as the “elimination of waste,” but this definition focuses only on the results and not the methods, where the true genius lies. To convey Lean thinking, I like a story I read in the Toyota Way Fieldbook that goes something like this. An American executive goes to a Toyota site in Japan to learn about Lean. After walking around the facility and talking for a while, struggling somewhat to convey Lean to the American in English, his Japanese counterpart walks up to a dry erase board and draws a simple set of stairs. He indicates just one of the steps and says “every day, a little up.”

This is Lean. We honestly assess ourselves and embrace our imperfections, so that we might all work together to improve them, by digging down to find the true root of the issue and focusing on changing the things we can control. When we want to improve an area, we look for a small bite-size piece that we can easily change for the better - even if each small change only improves the area a little bit, the sum of these small changes for the better over time makes for amazing results. We form cooperative teams of employees at all levels, from in and outside of the work area in question. And instead of focusing on a giant, looming goal, we feel a sense of accomplishment when we make the change that we had planned, and it indeed improves things. In the end, we’ve scaled the huge staircase, but along the way each step was carefully done and its own achievement.

Another bit from the Toyota Way Fieldbook is a critique that American managers tend to "Ready, Fire, Aim" in problem-solving - basically shooting from the hip.  In Lean, it's more like "Ready, Aim, Aim, Aim, Fire."  More time and effort are spent before an action is taken, to ensure that this action will "hit the target."  The actions themselves may be dreadfully simple, but if they are sure to make a positive improvement in your desired result, then they are better than a thousand expensive, expansive actions that miss the mark.  But next to a flurry of firing and re-firing without thinking, all of that thoughtfulness can seem lackadaisical.  It's important to remind ourselves that the process that generates these dramatic and amazing positive changes over time can look peaceful, quiet, and reflective at each step.

I am not into stalking employees taking notes on my clipboard about their mistakes, though this is what people typically think of when they hear my job title. I spend little time as a Quality Manager focusing on our error rate, and analyzing our mistakes. I find that if we spend our time ensuring people are doing the right things every day, small things that are under our control, then quality automatically follows.

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Sometimes, I think I seem like I am not very serious about my dog training, and do not care about the results, that I am a dabbler without high aspirations. This is true, and it isn’t. It’s true I spend very little time thinking about titles and accomplishments, and that I favor versatility over perfection in one sport.

But my dogs often attain just as much, if not more, success as others – certainly not reaching elite levels, but they compete quite respectably alongside others who seem to be far more serious about the individual sport.  For the amount of time I put into training on a given canine sport or activity, I have a pretty high return on investment. I’ve been thinking all along that Rowdy is just an exceptional dog, bright and willing and versatile. Which is true, but as I embark on teaching Brutus to do basic weave poles in the one month remaining before the CPE trial (so that he and Paul can move up to Level 2), without even a doubt as to our eventual success, I have to admit this is not all that’s going on. In the two months I have had Seelie, she has grown tremendously, and in our agility class yesterday it became obvious that she will quickly surpass other dogs’ skills who have been working with their owners for years. My dogs’ most fluent skills of course reflect the things I hold most important – to willingly give their all toward any request I might make of them no matter how odd, to be able to easily understand what I want of them, and to be the kind of companion I enjoy most. I am far from a perfect trainer, but I have to admit that I think I’m on to something.

I spend a great deal of time learning about training methods, and I choose my methods carefully.  By the time my dogs and I are actually working on something, the serious part has already been done. When I train, it is lighthearted and fun for my dogs, but rather than indicating a lack of seriousness, it is an integral part of the methods I’ve chosen. The methods are solid, and I work hard to implement them correctly. My goal is to spend all of my energy on the journey – enjoying it, being in the moment, and also ensuring the quality of that journey. In each training session, I focus on improving just one or two small things as a team. It must seem like I have low expectations at times, since all I ask is that my dog and I complete the exercise of the day. I am almost always satisfied with whatever performance my dogs give me, because I know that the methods I’ve chosen will bring forth from them the very best performance they were able to give that day, according to the job I did as a trainer that day. Over time, this choice to focus on small, achievable training goals in each session has paid off. I choose to work first and most on the underlying foundations of our relationship and communication - this results in exactly zero impressive tricks or titles, but I find it to be serious and important work though an onlooker might think we’re just playing. I spend a good deal of time quietly assessing and re-assessing my training plans – but rather than having huge game plans and lofty goals, I really just want to build quality into the next session. And then the next. Every day, a little up.

On dog-dog greetings and wine tastings...

Dog Greetings and Fine Wine.


Most people assume that both of these things are supposed to be great all the time. Lassie et al have ensured that we all have an idealized picture in our minds of dog behavior, and the price tag and snobbish wine aficionados might be what tell us wine is just supposed to be enjoyed.

Upon actual observation, things are different. Reality tells us that some dog greetings go way off track, and too often a first wine tasting sends a person running, now self-stamped as a person that “doesn’t like wine.” We consciously or unconsciously blame the “nasty” dog, and the person with the “uncultured palate.”  If either a dog greeting, or a wine tasting, go wrong – then it must be due to a deficiency in the dog or person.



The thing is, most people can tell if something’s a train wreck, or a masterpiece. But in between, there are less easily discernible shades of gray, which take a very small and worthwhile investment of time, observation, and skills to see and to appreciate. Like in wine. And dog greetings. And pretty much everything.

People often assume that dog greetings are going fine unless there is a terrible cacophony of snarling to tell them otherwise (Train Wreck). Others can also discern when their dog particularly likes another dog. But that’s about the extent of it. Train Wreck or Masterpiece.

But just like when you meet people, some greetings are vanilla and uneventful, some are awkward and mildly uncomfortable, some are rude, and sometimes, rarely, you meet someone new that is destined to become a good friend. Dogs are a social species – this is one of the reasons they have found their way into our homes over time. Just like us, they come in a wide continuum of personalities, and each dog has preferences about who they’d like to spend time with. You might also have some opinions about just what kind of strangers you’d like to touch you, and how… but no reason to get too far into that. The point is – tune in, and what you see might change your attitude about assuming your dog loves every other dog. They might not enjoy greeting strangers at all. Oddly, even the shyest of people tend to find this disturbing.


Same goes for wine. I think mostly, people assume they “should” enjoy all wine. They hear wine drinkers touting the excellent bottle of Merlot they just had, the lovely Chardonnay. If they saw me pouring a freshly opened bottle down the sink, they’d know the wine aficionado’s dirty little wine secret – some of it is downright terrible. And just like the dog, you might justifiably need to look around a bit to find the wine you’d enjoy meeting, and you might need to look around quite a lot to find the wine you’ll be lifelong friends with. The Masterpiece. I like sweet whites, and dry reds. This is not “supposed” to happen, so no one else’s judgment would have gotten me to enjoy both red and white wine, only my own observation and experience. So non-wine-drinkers, I beseech you to hone, and then trust, your own observation and experience.

If you can learn to recognize the shades of gray, you can get more masterpieces, and you can enjoy warmer, happier shades of gray along the way. Until you can interpret the gray area, you’re destined to have only whatever masterpieces happen to fall into your lap by chance. You’ll keep wondering why you’re drinking wine you don’t really like, without the chops to throw some of the stuff out. You might just avoid the stuff entirely rather than attempt to navigate the scary “gray area.” And your dog will keep doing his best to humor your expectations to be constantly running for Mayor of Dogtown (but occasionally, he might throw a punch at a heckler. Really. At least don’t be so shocked now when it happens.)

Instead, you could treat both as journeys, with shades of distinction in quality of experience – Allow your dog some input on what kind of company he enjoys (if you watch for a while, he will tell you quite clearly), and be a good friend to your dog by honoring this input and not expecting him to tolerate continued behavior that he finds rude just because it hasn’t devolved into a dogfight. If you do this, you’ll find you have less of those shocking Train Wrecks. Allow yourself some input on the ups and downs of your own journey into wino-dom. Try wines out, find a few acquaintances at first, toss out the crass jerks and the ones you just don’t hit it off with; then as you surround yourself with good friends, you just might find a BFF or two. (Oh Shiraz and Riesling, I can always count on the two of you!) We know that having dogs can improve our health, and lucky me that wine is the only vice that, in moderation, has been medically proven to improve your health. And most wonderfully, “moderation” is still a glass every day! Apparently, my drinking habit isn’t even “moderate!”